I have pondered for a few months now about the predicament of a typical African Male/Female in the aspect of attraction cum relationship.
I will say I find the guys very lucky. You like a girl, you walk up to her, you say your mind, it is either she agrees or not, most times the ‘toast’ is not even a do or die affair. The laws and expectations are quite lenient.
I then must not fail to state that due to experience I have been able to ascertain that these laws and expectations should be dealt with according to how much one can accommodate or tolerate. The inability to draw the line actually causes a decline in mental health.
My thought process actually started from the girl liking the guy saga.
The guy has no idea and will probably never know how much the girl is ‘awake’ for him. Reason being that there is a moral and general expectation from the female gender as regards the expression of emotions, needs, feelings or wants.
Inasmuch as guys are also restricted with mindsets and training like man up, don’t cry, if you must cry not in public, the women are faced with a whole lot more.
Many times we have heard tales of how supposed love stories turn to platonic friendship stories because a lady did not show her true feelings which is usually due to training and mindsets instilled in the average African woman. Some have even been subjected to female genital mutilation so it becomes difficult to ‘flow’. It is all the same idea
Consequentially, she is often served with B.S in matrimony or even prospective marital relationship. Just like the analogy I always give to the people around me, imagine that a full grown man decides to pass faeces on the floor of his room, and as a good and submissive wife you are by default expected to pack the faeces, clean him up, then go to the market, buy oranges, get home, hard press the oranges, make juice out of it and serve him respectfully. The ancestors actually expect women to achieve this, after all, we are stronger in mind than them they say, but it seems they have forgotten that women have emotions too. Let me not even call it emotion let me say they have forgotten that women are humans too, they have a need and yearn to be treated with respect and care.
The most confusing part to me till date is that: assuming on the way to the market whereby the woman was to purchase the oranges she met a fellow man who is definitely more reasonable and responsible, he becomes concerned and because she is already emotionally drained, she unburdened her distress, gets empathy and true friendship,she will be termed an adulteress.
Let’s not even try to speak about how
infidelity is treated in Africa when it is coming from the man. It will be a great digression, that is topic for another day.
PS: don’t get it twisted there are great guys out there, remember that in my illustration the woman met a reasonable man? Ehn hen, thank you!
The gender is also faced with the age thing, the woman must be younger than the man ‘buhaha’! It is definitely easier when the guy is younger and asking the older lady for a relationship, isn’t it all complicated when the lady is older rollingeyes
I don’t intend to break any table but the same ambiguity aforementioned goes for other restrictions that have been placed through tradition, especially the one that activated this thought process.
A friend once funnily defined tradition as peer pressure from dead people!!
So I decided to Google tradition, it says and I quote: “the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation or the fact of being passed on in its way”
My question then is how do we reconcile it (tradition)with the changing world?
Some women are morally stable and upright, they do not want to be tagged stubborn or rebellious but the undeniable fact is that the world has changed.
I do not need to start a list of what it was then and what it is now. In fact the list is endless!
Interestingly I imagine a lot and in my imagination I put myself in the shoes of a woman liking a man, how do I even advise? Will I still say ah don’t go tell the guy you like him oh, he will think you are cheap,or I will say go girl it’s not a big deal don’t go on and loose on what could be yours!!
What do guys even think about the whole matter?
The truth is there is so much gap between responsible guys and girls that are looking for the real deal,that gap should consistently be worked on, they just seem to never ever cross each others path.
A good reason I appreciate platforms like truflutter, download the app on play store
and jeromeistalking (www.jeromeistalking.org)
Guys, can we have your thoughts please?
Ladies, I believe I am speaking your mind? can you share your experience or what you also feel or think…